7 am......... took it's vital, got through getting all the kids off to school........ except pax, he doesn't go today..... 9:45 am............ there are no longer any cigarettes in this house....... time for greens and it's vital....... 10:30.......... i have to keep reminding myself that i'm not going to have a cigarette, it's like i keep reaching for them, which i suppose is my usual behavior......... reaching for a sip of water instead.......and an altoid or 3......... 12:30 ......... damn it, the universe hates me......... a pack of cigarettes was hiding in the cabinet........ this is hard......... still a long long way from my usual pack a day........ i got this...... 3:15......... kids home from school, taking it's vital minerals....... still holding steady....... lots of reminding myself that no, it's not time for a smoke break........ keeping myself busy, made jerky today.......... doing the housework i need to do, resting when needed, this...
all 2 or 3 of you....... :) no, really i have been if i'm going to be totally honest because i have yet to quit smoking, so let's focus on what i am doing........ stressing the fahq out over here........ but that HAS TO STOP NOW!!! i am doing some good things, talking nicer to myself more frequently but my big one is reaching out to people instead of letting it build inside of me until i burst!!! let's go with that and get this shit handled........ i'm scolding myself, for good reason....... i started this challenge and i almost gave up, i could turn my back on this whole thing and say, well i failed again or i can brush myself off and rededicate......... let's do that...... are you with me? is there anybody out there? should that really matter? who am i doing this for?
i avoided writing for a few days, partly because this blog is more self serving than anything else, and i wasn't proud of myself....... i was smoking........ but i refrained from putting myself down about it........ i managed to get ahead on some of my other goals, so it wasn't total failure......... i'm back on the track, shaking myself off and ready to go again......... cause sometimes a hand full of nothing is a real cool hand............. but this no smoking thing is hard........ it truly is....... some people can just quit and be like, i'm cool, while i'm over here clawing at my eyes because i just want the satisfaction of that first puff.......... what's that about even???? that and........ was out of greens....... got my shipment in, i have plenty of it's vital minerals......... i can do this............
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