Blessed Be Your Life

i avoided writing for a few days, partly because this blog is more self serving than anything else, and i wasn't proud of myself....... i was smoking........ but i refrained from putting myself down about it........ i managed to get ahead on some of my other goals, so it wasn't total failure......... i'm back on the track, shaking myself off and ready to go again......... cause sometimes a hand full of nothing is a real cool hand............. but this no smoking thing is hard........ it truly is....... some people can just quit and be like, i'm cool, while i'm over here clawing at my eyes because i just want the satisfaction of that first puff.......... what's that about even????   that and........ was out of greens....... got my shipment in, i have plenty of it's vital minerals......... i can do this............

love yourself and the rest will follow............ this is the phrase i repeated to myself for 3 months before i reunited with the man that became my husband before the year was out.......... this is the phrase i need to remember to get myself to the next step............ gotta start keeping it simple.......

still taking my greens and it works vital minerals.......... i've come to the realization that this would be so much easier if i would stop having to talk myself out of having a smoke, it's just automatic, i find myself reaching to the place they used to be and looking for the ashtray, but when they're not there i have to convince myself to stop looking.......... it's really odd how the mind works.....  happily (not sure that's the right adjective, but......)  this house is once again free of cigarettes........ yes, that means i smoked them all..... eeek....... but i'm NOT buying any more!!!   cabinets are free of forgotten packs....... no stash hidden so i can sneak a smoke.......... each time i have had one i beat myself up, no more!  i'm committed......... i'm starting to be able to smell them in a stronger way (does that make sense)  and the taste they leave in my mouth isn't good....... plus i've still got this hacking cough and i KNOW they...

7 am......... took it's vital, got through getting all the kids off to school........ except pax, he doesn't go today..... 9:45 am............ there are no longer any cigarettes in this house....... time for greens and it's vital....... 10:30.......... i have to keep reminding myself that i'm not going to have a cigarette, it's like i keep reaching for them, which i suppose is my usual behavior......... reaching for a sip of water instead.......and an altoid or 3......... 12:30 ......... damn it, the universe hates me......... a pack of cigarettes was hiding in the cabinet........ this is hard......... still a long long way from my usual pack a day........ i got this...... 3:15......... kids home from school, taking it's vital minerals....... still holding steady....... lots of reminding myself that no, it's not time for a smoke break........ keeping myself busy, made jerky today.......... doing the housework i need to do, resting when needed, this...

day one: broke and had that first smoke of the day, followed by greens and it's vital at 9:20......... off to shower and get the stink of smoke off........ 9 cigarettes left in the last pack i have in my possession....... 10:45 - used peppermint sugar scrub on my arms and hands in the shower, followed by peppermint body lotion (both have essential oils!)  taking another dose of it's vital minerals, no additional cigarettes have been had, but i'm curiously having a craving........ brushed my teeth twice!  i've added some mint extract to my water...... 12:25 pm - taking another it's vital....... this is hard right now and i'm fighting the urge to smoke all the cigarettes one after another so they're just gone....... 12:40 - one more cigarette gone...... :( i did get to experience the eclipse with my babies, it was awesome, however i look forward to 7 years from now when they actually all care about watching it..... 2:15 pm - another it's vital a...

i know i've got a few readers out there, otherwise it's just mei rambling on to myself, with myself..... LOL........ i believe i now have commenting turned on, i don't think i had the settings correct before........ i'd love to hear from you, how's the setup, can you read everything, is the background too distracting?  looking for some constructive critism!  and once again, a big thank you if you're following!   also......... if you're commenting and it's still not showing up, please send me an email blessedbeyourlife@gmail.com to let me know!

with all of the negativity i carry within, today i decide to find one thing about myself that is positive, to even think about something i like about myself, sadly feels wrong........ makes me feel like i'm doing something wrong because, well, that's just how my mind works, i have a distaste for people who are conceited and only think about their feelings, what they want and i do tend to put other's needs before my own............ even when that means bloody wars over guiding my children down a path different than the one i followed................ today, i acknowledge my ability to learn......... my desire to be an intelligent person and learn some new fact each day........... books, i've always loved to read and escape reality for a fantasical world of fae or tales of jade skinned witches who are merely misunderstood........... my ability to find answers to questions,  i can repair toilets, sinks, radiated heat systems, sometimes cars............. i worked in a lab an...

one step closer each day to the day after tomorrow........... let my intent be known that i will find a blank page to make my mark on.......... let those pages be plentiful and not stained with tears, smudged with dirty hands, ripped away from decay............ let the ink scratch letter to parchment in easy flowing words, not dark thoughts that long for the final act..........let there be tales of health, of healing, of a strong family, of love............ may the cast of characters be many and dear, loved ones building cherished memories......... my story is far from over, even though my current thoughts are far too dark to share........... let those hateful words playing through my skull be whisked away through the same breeze that reminds me my wings are still in tact.......... it takes more effort to stay adrift when you see the crack in the earth opening beneath your unstable feet, but it's not impossible........ let that start my next chapter, the stories held within this bo...

it's so much easier to write about the good days......... with that being said, i'm still breathing so that's a plus.......... my arms and legs still work, another positive.......... regardless of the outcome, i'm still going to continue breathing in and out all day long......... 6 days until i turn the page and start a new chapter, i will get there.............

One week from now I begin my challenge....... it's possible that i will be the only one to participate, but i'm okay with that, maybe something i am doing will help someone else find the strength or the help to reach their goal........ i've created a facebook group to use for conversations with others, to provide support and to get the support i know i'm going to need......... i will be using it works products to aid me this time, as i've tried and failed more times than i can count........ https://www.facebook.com/groups/challenge2190/ I do hope that if you have a habit you're trying to break, you will join me......... perfect timing in the universe for self help, eclipse in the new moon....... the time to end one chapter and begin another........

so i've been using it works greens daily and i can't say enough good things about them, i have energy with no sudden crashes or shakes, i actually feel good.......... i'm not a big fan of the orange flavored greens, but the berry are good and the chocolate are amazing!!!  the chews - seriously blue berry starburst is the closest comparison i can make....... i know i'm still losing weight, i feel like the process is starting to come together more quickly and i will share inches results and weight as that comes (remember, i won't have a scale so i don't frequently weigh myself)  i started this blog to keep track of my journey and talk honestly about the results of the it works products i'm using........ if at any time you have questions that i haven't answered or want to try them yourself, let me know....... for years i have had an unhealthy relationship with food and drinks....... far too many carbs and far too many cokes......... this weeks water challen...

i blinked and summer break is gone.......... my family has joined forces in attempting to remove much of the clutter from this house, gearing up for the 21st......... water intake challenge is on........ i drank 6 bottles of water yesterday, which while it isn't the 9 cups suggested, i'm proud of it none the less......... i've never liked the taste of water, it's really good in the greens i'm taking to boost my vitamins and even tastes pretty good with a little mint extract added in........ i'm not looking very forward to the early mornings, but have to admit, i'll be glad to have a routine back in place and not to have 4 kids constantly underfoot asking for something every 5 minutes......... until then i'll be continuing the work that has been going and enjoy the few days we have left before that alarm starts going off at 6:30 am......

who i am and what i'm doing....... i have been a smoker for over 20 years, before that i grew up in a home with 2 smokers........ i've tried numerous times to quit and have never been successful for longer than 5 weeks........ my husband even managed to quit in October of 2013......... another thing that i feel needs to be looked at as i start all these changes is the fact that many of my food and drink choices are just awful........ i drink too many sodas, love my energy drinks and live on junk food........ it's been that way for quite some time, at least since i've been in charge of preparing my own meals.......... i'm looking at many of my choices and setting out to fix more than one bad habit, that's why i'm going into this knowing that i'm going to have bad days and am putting tools in place this time to get me over this hill and bring me to the other side, the non-smoker who saves thousands of dollars in the future......i keep finding myself feel...

i've been going strong, with the help of this entire family, to reduce the amount of stuff in this home........ clothing, large amounts of clothing....... finally being condensed to totes so that i may hopefully redistribute......... i cannot believe the shear volume of it......... i can, but you really wouldn't........ but during my breaks i am leaping into this new chapter, organization is happening and i'm embracing that while i am tired and my body aches.......... things are changing around me at break-neck speed...... the 21st approaches and i'm ready this time.......... the 21/90 rule is something i've probably seen or read but tonight it sticks with me........ 21 days to a new habit / 90 days to a new lifestyle........ that's what this is all about anyway......... mei, the procrastinator extraordinaire ........... not by any means what you would consider a "healthy" lifestylist, in fact i'm still not willing to share my twinkies............ ...

i had planned on working most of the day today...... like it works working........ but instead have begun the very much needed process of de-hoarding........ clothing specifically, i am going to have so many sizes to get rid of for girls and boys, maternity, some men's but most things are in really good shape and some even have tags........ it's august and i'm driven to succeed in so many areas, i feel like giving my home a makeover is just as important as dealing with the emotional self and the physical self........ all of this goes hand in hand to keep me driving forward and achieving the goals i set..... far too often, i try to accomplish too much in one day and then i never finish it all........ i do have a story to tell about the word augustness that goes along with improving my relationship with my husband as well.......... being down on yourself changes so many aspects of being............ setting goals for each day that truly are attainable and hitting them is so mu...