establishing better self dialogue........

with all of the negativity i carry within, today i decide to find one thing about myself that is positive, to even think about something i like about myself, sadly feels wrong........ makes me feel like i'm doing something wrong because, well, that's just how my mind works, i have a distaste for people who are conceited and only think about their feelings, what they want and i do tend to put other's needs before my own............ even when that means bloody wars over guiding my children down a path different than the one i followed................ today, i acknowledge my ability to learn......... my desire to be an intelligent person and learn some new fact each day........... books, i've always loved to read and escape reality for a fantasical world of fae or tales of jade skinned witches who are merely misunderstood........... my ability to find answers to questions,  i can repair toilets, sinks, radiated heat systems, sometimes cars............. i worked in a lab and repaired laptops for a time, i was an ebay auctioneer and helped a company build a profit from a pile of scraps........... i spent years in the transportation industry and was a receptionist/accounts receivable/ accounts payable clerk and also served as their IT department.............. i found true joy in a non-profit arts organization, taking care of their books, hanging galleries in public buildings, planning fundraisers, helping to develop programs for underfunded groups.................. when i see these words in front of me, i am filled with a sense of pride, and this is just part of the list of things i've done to provide for myself and many times others, but i've never felt truly successful, because for some reason or another my life has brought twists and turns that have caused me to reinvent myself, that's generally been positive........... but that also means i let myself sink into holes that i've had to climb from.......... i'm still trying to avoid the sink hole that has developed........... still not soaring in the clouds, but keeping my feet afloat.............. tomorrow feels huge, overwhelming, so i'm sticking to my goals and making a good list of them......... goals for today, tomorrow and beyond, i've got a whole lot of living left to do and i want it to be a good one for all of the lives i touch............